


The Goku Girl Variety Fic

by GokuGirl



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Humor, Out of Character, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-05-12
Updated: 2000-05-12
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:12:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4402151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GokuGirl/pseuds/GokuGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of very short fanfics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Goku Girl Variety Fic

**Author's Note:**

> These are just a bunch of ficlets/amusing ideas that are getting thrown into one document.

**Game Shows  
** **Part 1a**

(Goku stands behind a podium in an ugly and flashy pastel blue suit with index cards in his hand. He is stuffing a doughnut into his mouth with the producer's voice is suddenly heard.)

 **PRODUCER:**  And we're on in 5, 4, 3, 2...

(Goku crams the last bit of food into his already stuffed mouth and smiles, spraying crumbs everywhere. He chews for a few moments while the behind stage crew sweatdrop and wipe bits of food away and finally he swallows.)

 **GOKU:**  Konichi-wa t.v. land! I'm Son Goku, you're host for the evening, and this is...

(Some pre-recorded voices join in.)

 **VOICES:**  Who Wants to Be Immortal?!

 **GOKU:**  That's right! And now for our contestants!

(Three smaller podiums rise up from the stage and there sits an annoyed looked Vegeta, a delighted Frieza (who's in his first form), and an indifferent Garlic Jr.)

 **GARLIC JR:**  But I'm already immortal you idiot!

(Goku ignores him and continues to talk)

 **GOKU:**  Our first contestant, standing at a total height of 5 foot 5 -- without his hair --, the Bad Boy of Planet Vegeta! Vegeta!"

(The camera focuses in on the short saiyan; who snorts)

 **GOKU:**  Our second contestant, standing at a total height of 4 foot 8, The Midget Kami Wannabe! Garlic Jr.!

 **GARLIC:**  I am * _not_ * a midget!

 **GOKU:**  (disbelieving) Uh huh and ChiChi's not psycho. (clearing his throat he continues) And now for our last contestant, standing at a height of 5 foot 2 in his first form, The Universal Tyrant himself! Frieza!

(Frieza gives a big grin and waves)

 **GOKU:**  (blinking) Okay.... Now I'm sure you all know how to play our game!

 **VEGETA:**  (interrupting) Kakarott no baka, we haven't even * _heard_ * of this stupid show!

(Goku ignores him and motions to a big screen that was to the left of him)

 **GOKU:**  You will have questions to answer and if there is a tie, you get to go on the wonderful lightning round!

 **VEGETA:**  (sarcastically) Oh goody!

 **GOKU:**  For our first question: What is the square root of 972, 196?

(Garlic buzzed first)

 **GARLIC:**  What the * _hell_ * does this have to do with immortality?

(a buzzer sounds)

 **GOKU:**  Gomen but that was incorrect!

 **GARLIC:**  Duh!

 **GOKU:**  The answer is 986! Next question: George Washington.

(All three looked at him blankly for a second and then Vegeta buzzed)

 **VEGETA:**  Who was the United States' first president?

 **GOKU:**  You are correct! That puts Veggie on the board with 200 points!

 **FRIEZA:**  Hold it! That wasn't even a question!

 **GOKU:**  (looking innocent) Did I say it was? My bad. Next question! Why did I transform into Super Saiyan for the first time?

(Frieza was the only one to buzz in)

 **GOKU:**  Hai Frieza?

 **FRIEZA:**  Because I killed the little bald guy!

(Goku looked over at a small group of three people off to the side of the stage)

 **GOKU:**  Judges? (buzzer sounds) I'm sorry but the correct answer was 'because you killed my best friend Krillin'.

 **FRIEZA:**  It's the same thing! Besides, how was I supposed to know the little weakling's name?

(A ringing noise sounds)

 **GOKU:**  That sound means that we're running out of time...

 **VEGETA:**  But the show just came on 5 minutes ago!

 **GOKU:**  (ignoring him) It's now time for Final Immortality. Contestants, write down your wagers. (They do so) Are you ready?

 **ALL THREE:**  Hai!

 **GOKU:**  Okay! Name all the kids in the Brady Bunch, youngest to oldest.

(Jeopardy music begins and they all scribble down answers. Two small tones signal the end of their time.)

 **GOKU:**  Times up! Garlic, please display your answer.

(Garlic shows that he has the kids in this order: Cindy, Bobby, Jan, Peter, Marsha, & Greg. Goku nods and moves on.)

 **GOKU:**  Frieza, please display your answer.

(Frieza's order is as follows: Bobby, Cindy, Peter, Jan, Marsha, & Greg. Goku nods again and looks to Vegeta.)

 **GOKU:**  Your turn.

(Vegeta shows that he has the exact same order as Garlic.)

 **GOKU:**  Garlic Jr, (pause) you are correct!

(The small alien beams and hops up and down.)

 **GOKU:**  How much did you wager?

(Garlic Jr. holds up anotehr sign that says 12 billion)

 **GOKU:**  (snorting amusedly) I'm sorry but you can not bet more than what you have. Frieza, you are wrong! Better luck next time.

(Horn Boy sighs sadly and looks heartbroken)

 **GOKU:**  Vegeta, you are correct! How much did you wager?

(Vegeta shows that it was 0)

 **GOKU:**  Even though you bet nothing, you still win! Come back later to receive your prize!

(The credits start to roll and Goku's voice is heard)

 **GOKU:**  The grand prize is courtesy of Shenlong, the Eternal Dragon. Without him, nothing is possible. All the loosers receive the parting gift of a 3 day/2 night stay in Hell! That's right Hell! 'Come see the torturous side of death'. Ja ne!

[To be continued later in the fic]

* * *

**Part 2: Mini Fics**

"Ohhhh! Harder! Harder!" Bulma moaned from her room. Vegeta rushed to the closed door and plastered his ear against it.

"Put your back into it! Harder! Yeah.... that's the spot...."

Vegeta's eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

"Ohhhhh! You are the best! Even better than Vegeta!"

' _Oh hell no!_ ' Vegeta mentally cursed and kicked the door in. He was stopped at the sight of naked Bulma, with just a towel from the waist down, and a fully clothed Gohan over her.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Vegeta choked out.

Bulma gazed at him, truly confused. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?!" Vegeta asked incredulously. "WHAT'S WRONG?!"

"Calm down Vegeta-san!" Gohan said. "You might have a coronary!"

"Or at least burst a blood vessel," Bulma added.

"Why is that * _child_ * over you while you are in the nude?!"

"Why Vegeta! He was only giving me a massage! You're * _terrible_ * at it!"

Vegeta hit the ground in a dead faint.

Gohan raised an eyebrow. "What did he think we were doing?"

Bulma thought for a bit then shook her head. "I don't think I even want to know."

***

22 year old Trunks and 21 year old Goten sang loudly as they entered the dining room of the Capsule Corp.

"Who likes short shorts?!" Trunks belted out. He slid to a stop in his socks on the highly polished wooden floor and did a little twirl. He was only wearing a pair of purple silk boxers.

"I like short shorts!" Goten slid from the other direction and hitched up his black boxers.

"Who likes short shorts?" Trunks asked again.

"We like short shorts!"

Trunks and Goten both turned to the sound. Bra, Bulma, and Pan were in the doorway rolling with laughter.

"Oh man! I wish that I had a camera!" Bra said breathlessly.

"I'm going to remember this one forever!" Pan laughed.

"We go away to the mall for a couple of hours and we come home to Showtime at the Apollo!" Bulma and the girls broke out into a new round of hysterical giggles.

Trunks and Goten just stood their, blushing brightly. After a while the trio calmed down and went into the other room still singing.

"Who likes short shorts?!"

***

"Take that Kakarott! I will defeat you!" Vegeta roared.

"In your dreams little man! I am the champion!"

"She's mine!"

"Mine!"

"Goku" pushed "Vegeta" hard.

"MINE!" "Vegeta" pushed "Goku" down and they began to brawl.

"Bulma" came into the room and walked over to the still fighting men. "Boys! Please don't fight over me! There's more than enough to go around!"

Vegeta growled and pulled "Goku's" head off.

"No fair! You cheated!" Goku began to whine.

Bra came into the room and gasped in shock. "Tousan! Kaasan! Goku-san! What have you done to my Barbie dolls?!"

"He started it!" Goku and Vegeta yelled in unison, pointing at each other.

"Children! Children!" Bra reprimanded. "What have I told you about playing nicely?"

All three hung their heads. "Always let Vegeta win no matter what. That way the innocent dolls don't get hurt."

"That's right!" She took her dolls from them. "How about you go play Trunks' Playstation while I fix these, okay?"

All three jumped up. "I call first dibs!" Goku screamed.

"No way! I want first dibs!" They took off for the staircase.

"Hey!" Bulma cried. "I paid for it!"

Bra sighed at the departure. "Will they ever learn?"

* * *

**Game Shows  
** **Part 1b**

**GOKU:**  Arise dragon! I want a wish granted.

(Shenlong appeared with a book clutched in his claws and a fez on his head. He sighed as he marked his place in the book that was entitled "Dragons are from Heaven, Mortals are from Hell")

 **SHENLONG:**  What do you want * _now_ * Son Goku?

 **GOKU:**  I would like--

 **VEGETA:**  (butting in) * _I_ * would like immortality!

(Shenlong blinked once and then blinked again.)

 **SHENLONG:**  Ah. The mortal named Vegeta.

 **VEGETA:**  Hai. Hai. Gimme my wish damnit!

 **SHENLONG:**  Do you know that there have been some new rules put into effect as of * _now_ *?

 **VEGETA:**  (growling slightly) Look, do you think that I care about your stupid rules?

 **SHENLONG:**  You should. (leaning in closer) They involve you and that wish you just made.

 **VEGETA:**  What then?!

 **SHENLONG:**  One of the new rules states 'No wishes to anyone under 5 foot 6'.

(Goku snickered in the background)

 **SHENLONG:**  (after he saw Veggie about to argue) And no Vegeta, your hair doesn't count.

 **VEGETA:**  Wha...? WHAT?!

 **GOKU:**  Can I make some wishes then Shenlong?

 **SHENLONG:**  Sure Goku! You're a good person and besides, you exceed the height requirement.

 **GOKU:**  Arigatou! For my first wish, I would like a life time supply of--

 **VEGETA:**  Please not food! Anything but food!

 **GOKU:**  Chili dogs!

 **SHENLONG:**  (after a moment) It is done. And to be nice, I'm only going to deliver so many a day instead of just have them raining down now.

 **GOKU:**  That's great! For my second wish, I would like Goten to do as well in school as Gohan does.

 **SHENLONG:**  (glowing a second time) It is done.

 **GOKU:**  And for my last wish...

(Vegeta tensed up with anticipation)

 **GOKU:**  I would like Vegeta to be another best friend! I want him to treat me like a friend too! But please keep most of his original behavior, a nice Vegeta is scary.

 **VEGETA:**  (shrieking) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

 **SHENLONG:**  It is done. Farewell Son.

(The dragon disappeared into a beam of bright light. The darkness slowly faded from the sky and Goku grinned at Vegeta.)

 **GOKU:**  How about we go to the amusement park?

 **VEGETA:**  (glomping him) Sure buddy! Let's go!

(Goku's eyes widened and he swallowed hard.)

 **GOKU:**  (shouting to the sky) SHENLONG! Did you have to make him so affectionate?! I asked you to keep most of his original personality!


End file.
